Well deserved!
7 Steps To Help You Survive Your Marriage Infidelity
Infidelity is one of the most stressful things that can happen in a marriage. Suddenly, the trust that you had in your spouse vanishes because he started an intimate relationship with someone else.
Many people find that even if they have the best intentions when it comes to restoring a broken relationship, it’s hard for both partners to recover from the shock caused by infidelity. So what can you do to mend something that’s broken and make your relationship as strong as it was before?
Here are some tips on how to recover from infidelity :
1. Understand That Hurt Feelings are Natural
If you’ve been cheated on, overcoming the sense of betrayal that accompanies infidelity is difficult. If your partner was dishonest regarding your relationship, what other aspects of your life, like your finances, your career, or your health could also be affected?
Conversely, if you were the one committing the infidelity, you need to recognize your responsibility for the current situation. You may try to justify things by saying that your spouse “drove” you to your actions, but the fact remains that you acted on your stress or desire. Blaming your partner for your actions will only diminish your trust in each other and reinforce whatever problems previously existed in your relationship.
2. Find a Therapist or Counsellor to Help You and Your Partner
Infidelity in a marriage can be a more stressful event than a job loss or a death in the family. You wouldn’t expect to go it alone when dealing with grief, so why expect to do so when dealing with a loss of trust between you and your spouse? Finding a therapist, whether it’s one that will work with you individually or with both of you together, will help you determine what patterns and interactions in your relationship need work.
Also, a therapist’s office can be a safe or neutral space to discuss sensitive issues. Your counsellor can mediate between both of you.
3. Understand Why You or Your Spouse Cheated and Put in Measures to Compensate for That Issue
Did your spouse cheat because he or she was feeling undervalued in your relationship? Did you cheat because you had become bored with your partner? Rebuilding your relationship will involve deep introspection to discover what motivated the infidelity in the first place. Make a list of questions to ask your spouse after infidelity so you can dig deeper and find out what caused the problem. No need to start a debate, have a calm and polite heart to heart to find out what the problem was.
For example, if you were overly critical of your spouse, you’ll need to find new ways to communicate with them and understand what issues they’re sensitive to, as well as assess your own values.
4. Find Ways to Reconnect
What did you and your spouse enjoy doing together before the infidelity happened? Was it something that you stopped doing? Do you practice a new hobby that you would like to introduce to your spouse? Doing things together and scheduling time to talk to and appreciate each other is important. Although it may be painful at first, you need to spend time together. Shutting one another out, or avoiding each other so as not to bring up the stress you’re both under, won’t solve your problems – in fact, it will make them worse.
5. Develop Deeper Emotional Intimacy
Infidelity is rarely about physical issues and mostly a result of emotional intimacy and unmet needs. Give your partner attention and love and care and a chance and reason to come closer to you. If you decide before hand that forgiveness is not possible, you will not be able to fix the mess. Know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and there are couples out there that have survived infidelity. You need to have a heart to heart with your partner and find out why it happened and remember that it is going to be tough and strong efforts from both sides are required to get through it.
7. Don’t expect Band-Aid solutions
Don’t expect that a single heartfelt conversation or a weekend couples’ retreat will be enough to restore your relationship. Chances are that the circumstances that led to one partner cheating are deeply rooted in both your and your spouse’s past actions, and have been reinforced by other aspects of your relationship. The breakdown of your relationship wasn’t immediate, and rebuilding takes time.
The most important thing is that you need to make a commitment to each other for your relationship to work. Taking the time to talk to each other, change your behaviours, or work with a therapist, is a good indicator of the commitment you are both willing to make.
Why Obasanjo’s at war with Jonathan, by Owie
FORMER Chief Whip of the Senate, Senator Rowland Owie, has alleged that the reason former President Olusegun Obasanjo was at war with the administration of President Goodluck Jonathan was because the latter refused to be an errand boy to the former President.He said that Nigerians were suffering today due to the faulty foundation laid by the former President.
He said: “The former president should apologize to Nigerians rather than blame the administration of President Jonathan which is doing very well for Nigerians.
“I am impressed that more and more Nigerians are getting to know that Obasanjo is not truthful and claims to be what he is not. Obasanjo ran the most corrupt government since the amalgamation of Nigeria. The revenue that Obasanjo got in only one year of his wasted eight years regime was almost the total revenue that Ibrahim Babangida’s regime got in eight years. While many legacies were left behind by IBB’s regime, there is nothing good that can be traced to Obasanjo’s regime.
“All Obasanjo was known for was election rigging both within the PDP and the general elections. Obasanjo openly rigged out late Sunday Awoniyi at the PDP national convention in 2000 at Eagle Square in favour of colourless opponents. He used the police to invade the Apo Mansion, all in his bid to ruin the independence of the National Assembly. Obasanjo is worse than Hitler. Obasanjo is like a poisonous crop that germinated on Nigerian soil.
“He should hide his head in shame as he is the forerunner of the anti-Christ. In the Benin Kingdom before the arrival of the whites, a man like Obasdanjo who failed woefully in public administration would have been banished. The problem between Jonathan and Obasanjo is that Jonathan refused to be his errand boy.
“There is no President of Nigeria that Obasanjo has not fought. Even the late Musa Yar’Adua, whom he brought without the consent of the North, he fought, even after the latter’s death.”
First pic inside the blood-stained Charlie Hebdo newsroom where people were massacred
Above is the haunting first photograph from inside the Charlie Hebdo office where 8 cartoonists, a visitor, a maintenance worker and a police officer were massacred yesterday afternoon January 8th in the deadliest terrorist attack in Paris in decades. Another police officer was killed outside the building
The pic shows blood-stained wooden floors, papers strewn across the corridor & blood everywhere.
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