Showing posts with label NaijaBadoonoreply@blogger.com (Prince Ezekiel). Show all posts
Showing posts with label NaijaBadoonoreply@blogger.com (Prince Ezekiel). Show all posts
10 Simple Postures That Boost Personal Performance
Psychological research suggests simple actions and postures can project power, persuade others, increase empathy, boost cognitive performance and more.
We tend to think of body language as something that expresses our internal states to the outside world. But it also works the other way around: the position of our body also influences our mind.
As the following psychological research shows, how we move can drive both thoughts and feelings and this can boost performance.
Simple Postures That Boost Performance
1. Pose for Power
If you want to feel more powerful then adopt a powerful posture. Carney et al. (2010) found that when people stood or sat in powerful poses for one minute—those involving open limbs and expansive gestures—they not only felt more powerful but had increased levels of testosterone flooding their systems. Powerful poses take up more space, so spread your body and open up the arms or legs. When you dominate the space, your mind gets the message.
1. Pose for Power
If you want to feel more powerful then adopt a powerful posture. Carney et al. (2010) found that when people stood or sat in powerful poses for one minute—those involving open limbs and expansive gestures—they not only felt more powerful but had increased levels of testosterone flooding their systems. Powerful poses take up more space, so spread your body and open up the arms or legs. When you dominate the space, your mind gets the message.
2. Tense up for Willpower
Tensing up your muscles can help increase your willpower. In a series of 5 studies Hung and Labroo (2011) found that when people firmed up their muscles they were better able to withstand pain, resist tempting food, take an unpleasant medicine and pay attention to disturbing information. So, if you need to increase your willpower, tense your muscles. It should help.
Tensing up your muscles can help increase your willpower. In a series of 5 studies Hung and Labroo (2011) found that when people firmed up their muscles they were better able to withstand pain, resist tempting food, take an unpleasant medicine and pay attention to disturbing information. So, if you need to increase your willpower, tense your muscles. It should help.
3. Cross Arms for Persistence
If you’re stuck on a problem which needs persistence then try crossing your arms. Friedman and Elliot (2008) had participants do just that and found they worked longer at a set of difficult anagrams. In fact about twice as long. Their persistence led to more correct solutions.
If you’re stuck on a problem which needs persistence then try crossing your arms. Friedman and Elliot (2008) had participants do just that and found they worked longer at a set of difficult anagrams. In fact about twice as long. Their persistence led to more correct solutions.
4. Lie Down for Insight
If crossing your arms doesn’t work then try lying down. When Lipnicki and Byrne (2005) had anagram solvers lying down, they solved them faster. Since anagrams are a type of insight problem, lying down may help you reach creative solutions.
If crossing your arms doesn’t work then try lying down. When Lipnicki and Byrne (2005) had anagram solvers lying down, they solved them faster. Since anagrams are a type of insight problem, lying down may help you reach creative solutions.
5. Nap for Cognitive Performance
While you’re lying down, why not have a nap? Napping is an art-form though. Nap too long and you’ll suffer from sleep inertia: the feeling of being drowsy for an extended period. Nap too little and there’s no point. Where’s the sweet spot?
While you’re lying down, why not have a nap? Napping is an art-form though. Nap too long and you’ll suffer from sleep inertia: the feeling of being drowsy for an extended period. Nap too little and there’s no point. Where’s the sweet spot?
Brooks & Lack (2005) compared 5, 10, 20 and 30 minute naps to find the best length. For increased cognitive performance, vigour and wakefulness, the best naps were 10 minutes long. Benefits were seen immediately after 10 minute naps but after longer naps it took longer to wake up. Five minute naps only provided half the benefit, but were better than nothing.
6. Gesture for Persuasion
The way people’s hands cut through the air while they talk is fascinating. But it’s more than just a by-product of communication. Maricchiolo et al. (2008) found that hand-gestures help increase the power of a persuasive message when compared to no use of gesture. Most effective are gestures which make what you are saying more understandable. For example, when referring to the past, point behind you.
The way people’s hands cut through the air while they talk is fascinating. But it’s more than just a by-product of communication. Maricchiolo et al. (2008) found that hand-gestures help increase the power of a persuasive message when compared to no use of gesture. Most effective are gestures which make what you are saying more understandable. For example, when referring to the past, point behind you.
7. … and Gesture for Understanding
Gestures aren’t only helpful for persuading others, they also help us think. In a study of children, Cook et al. (2007) found that children who were encouraged to gesture while learning, retained more of what they learnt. Moving our hands may help us learn; more generally we actually seem to think with our hands.
Gestures aren’t only helpful for persuading others, they also help us think. In a study of children, Cook et al. (2007) found that children who were encouraged to gesture while learning, retained more of what they learnt. Moving our hands may help us learn; more generally we actually seem to think with our hands.
8. Smile for Happiness
The very act of smiling can make you feel happy, whether it’s justified or not. Strack et al. (1988) had participants holding pens in their mouths either so that it activated the muscles responsible for smiling, or not. Those whose smiling muscles were activated rated cartoons as funnier than others whose smiling muscles weren’t activated by the pen in their mouth. So, forcing a smile really does make us see the world in a better light.
The very act of smiling can make you feel happy, whether it’s justified or not. Strack et al. (1988) had participants holding pens in their mouths either so that it activated the muscles responsible for smiling, or not. Those whose smiling muscles were activated rated cartoons as funnier than others whose smiling muscles weren’t activated by the pen in their mouth. So, forcing a smile really does make us see the world in a better light.
9. Mimic to Empathise
If you want to get inside someone’s head, you can try copying their behaviour. Those who are good at empathising do it automatically: copying accent, posture, expressions and so on. If you can copy it, you will feel it yourself and then you’ll get a hint of what others are feeling. It’s what actors have known for years: mimicry is a great way of simulating others’ emotional states.
If you want to get inside someone’s head, you can try copying their behaviour. Those who are good at empathising do it automatically: copying accent, posture, expressions and so on. If you can copy it, you will feel it yourself and then you’ll get a hint of what others are feeling. It’s what actors have known for years: mimicry is a great way of simulating others’ emotional states.
10. Imitate to Comprehend
The idea that copying helps us understand others works for thought as well as emotion. In an experiment by Adank (2010), participants found it easier to decipher an unfamiliar accent if they tried to imitate it themselves. Some psychologists go further, claiming that imitating others helps us predict what they are going to do (e.g. Pickering & Garrod, 2007).
The idea that copying helps us understand others works for thought as well as emotion. In an experiment by Adank (2010), participants found it easier to decipher an unfamiliar accent if they tried to imitate it themselves. Some psychologists go further, claiming that imitating others helps us predict what they are going to do (e.g. Pickering & Garrod, 2007).
Embodied Cognition
Many of these studies support a theory about human life (and indeed all life) called ‘embodied cognition’. The idea is that we don’t just think with our minds, we also think with our bodies. Our mind isn’t a brain in a jar, it is connected to a body which moves around in an environment.
Many of these studies support a theory about human life (and indeed all life) called ‘embodied cognition’. The idea is that we don’t just think with our minds, we also think with our bodies. Our mind isn’t a brain in a jar, it is connected to a body which moves around in an environment.
As life becomes increasingly virtual, played out on screens of varying sizes, we need reminding that the connection between mind and body is two-way. Human intelligence is more than abstract processing power; it’s about the interaction between mind, body and the world around us.
7 Steps To Help You Survive Your Marriage Infidelity
Infidelity is one of the most stressful things that can happen in a marriage. Suddenly, the trust that you had in your spouse vanishes because he started an intimate relationship with someone else.
Many people find that even if they have the best intentions when it comes to restoring a broken relationship, it’s hard for both partners to recover from the shock caused by infidelity. So what can you do to mend something that’s broken and make your relationship as strong as it was before?
Here are some tips on how to recover from infidelity :
1. Understand That Hurt Feelings are Natural
If you’ve been cheated on, overcoming the sense of betrayal that accompanies infidelity is difficult. If your partner was dishonest regarding your relationship, what other aspects of your life, like your finances, your career, or your health could also be affected?
Conversely, if you were the one committing the infidelity, you need to recognize your responsibility for the current situation. You may try to justify things by saying that your spouse “drove” you to your actions, but the fact remains that you acted on your stress or desire. Blaming your partner for your actions will only diminish your trust in each other and reinforce whatever problems previously existed in your relationship.
2. Find a Therapist or Counsellor to Help You and Your Partner
Infidelity in a marriage can be a more stressful event than a job loss or a death in the family. You wouldn’t expect to go it alone when dealing with grief, so why expect to do so when dealing with a loss of trust between you and your spouse? Finding a therapist, whether it’s one that will work with you individually or with both of you together, will help you determine what patterns and interactions in your relationship need work.
Also, a therapist’s office can be a safe or neutral space to discuss sensitive issues. Your counsellor can mediate between both of you.
3. Understand Why You or Your Spouse Cheated and Put in Measures to Compensate for That Issue
Did your spouse cheat because he or she was feeling undervalued in your relationship? Did you cheat because you had become bored with your partner? Rebuilding your relationship will involve deep introspection to discover what motivated the infidelity in the first place. Make a list of questions to ask your spouse after infidelity so you can dig deeper and find out what caused the problem. No need to start a debate, have a calm and polite heart to heart to find out what the problem was.
For example, if you were overly critical of your spouse, you’ll need to find new ways to communicate with them and understand what issues they’re sensitive to, as well as assess your own values.
4. Find Ways to Reconnect
What did you and your spouse enjoy doing together before the infidelity happened? Was it something that you stopped doing? Do you practice a new hobby that you would like to introduce to your spouse? Doing things together and scheduling time to talk to and appreciate each other is important. Although it may be painful at first, you need to spend time together. Shutting one another out, or avoiding each other so as not to bring up the stress you’re both under, won’t solve your problems – in fact, it will make them worse.
5. Develop Deeper Emotional Intimacy
Infidelity is rarely about physical issues and mostly a result of emotional intimacy and unmet needs. Give your partner attention and love and care and a chance and reason to come closer to you. If you decide before hand that forgiveness is not possible, you will not be able to fix the mess. Know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and there are couples out there that have survived infidelity. You need to have a heart to heart with your partner and find out why it happened and remember that it is going to be tough and strong efforts from both sides are required to get through it.
7. Don’t expect Band-Aid solutions
Don’t expect that a single heartfelt conversation or a weekend couples’ retreat will be enough to restore your relationship. Chances are that the circumstances that led to one partner cheating are deeply rooted in both your and your spouse’s past actions, and have been reinforced by other aspects of your relationship. The breakdown of your relationship wasn’t immediate, and rebuilding takes time.
The most important thing is that you need to make a commitment to each other for your relationship to work. Taking the time to talk to each other, change your behaviours, or work with a therapist, is a good indicator of the commitment you are both willing to make.
3 Reasons Why Men Struggle To Open Up
“Why won’t he just tell me how he feels?” “Why is it so hard to get him to open up?” “Does he have a genuine issue or is he just plain old stupid?” These are all questions I have received from frustrated women dealing with men who can’t seem to express themselves.
They feel like they are speaking to a brick wall and nothing seems to be getting through. This void of effective communication opens the door for a lack of trust, emotional neglect, confusion, and an overall unhealthy relationship. So what is really the problem? Why do so many men continue to struggle with expressing themselves? Here are some factors that contribute to this unfortunate issue:
1. Raised to suppress not express
A lot of men are taught at an early age to “suck it up”. Crying is unacceptable and expressing how you feel can be viewed as whining. They aren’t given a platform to speak on how they feel, but instead are quickly told to move past it and “stay strong”. This leads to many men only knowing how to throw their feelings to the side and act tough. Never truly addressing many of the issues within them and allow it to linger. When a man can’t express himself properly, in many cases his upbringing has a lot to do with it.
2. Negative backlash occurred in the past.
A man can act tough all he wants but at the end of the day he is still human. So despite how that man is raised, he will likely have a moment where the walls come down and he lets his feelings out. Unfortunately, that moment may be met with a “stop acting like a little b**ch”, “you’re so weak”, and other negative comments to belittle him and cause him to shut down. Aside from the attacks on his “manliness,” he may experience other negative results that cause him to regret ever being vulnerable enough to open up in that situation. At this point, he will create a bigger wall than before and the struggle to express himself will become much harder.
A man can act tough all he wants but at the end of the day he is still human. So despite how that man is raised, he will likely have a moment where the walls come down and he lets his feelings out. Unfortunately, that moment may be met with a “stop acting like a little b**ch”, “you’re so weak”, and other negative comments to belittle him and cause him to shut down. Aside from the attacks on his “manliness,” he may experience other negative results that cause him to regret ever being vulnerable enough to open up in that situation. At this point, he will create a bigger wall than before and the struggle to express himself will become much harder.
3. It may risk getting what is desired.
Instead of continuously telling a lie, some people choose to simply say, “I don’t want to talk about it”. Not that this always means they have lies to tell, but it is an effective way to avoid speaking a harmful truth. By avoiding conversation they can continue to act like no issue exists, which allows them to continue things in a way that is convenient for them. They know a full conversation can trigger some issues they don’t want to deal with. They will do what they can to run from it and hope it just goes away. The man who does this isn’t really struggling but strategically “managing” the situation to his advantage.
Instead of continuously telling a lie, some people choose to simply say, “I don’t want to talk about it”. Not that this always means they have lies to tell, but it is an effective way to avoid speaking a harmful truth. By avoiding conversation they can continue to act like no issue exists, which allows them to continue things in a way that is convenient for them. They know a full conversation can trigger some issues they don’t want to deal with. They will do what they can to run from it and hope it just goes away. The man who does this isn’t really struggling but strategically “managing” the situation to his advantage.
Doctors explore health benefits of avocado
The age-old saying 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away' could be replaced in favour of 'an avocado a day', following the publication of new research that shows the vegetable could help to prevent the development of heart disease.
Doctors from the US and Australia drew on the results of previous studies showing that avocados can assist in lowering cholesterol to analyse exactly how the high levels of monounsaturated fatty acids present in them can have this effect.
The team monitored 45 healthy, but overweight adults aged between 21 and 70 as they followed three diets over a five-week period. One of these consisted of 24 per cent fat, so was deemed as 'low-fat', while the other two were based around the consumption of 34 per cent of fats and were labelled 'moderate' for the purpose of the study.
These two higher-fat diets were almost identical, except one contained a Hass avocado each day. This form of the vegetable is smaller and darker, with bumpier green skin than the arguably more popular Florida varieties.
Participants were given a two-week break between the different diets, with blood samples being taken at the start and end of each.
It was found that all three of the diets resulted in levels of bad cholesterol being lowered, but this appeared to be much more significant among those eating the daily avocado.
Overall, participants following the avocado diet saw their bad cholesterol levels reduced by 13.5 mg, in comparison to the 8.3 mg and 7.4 mg decreases of those on the moderate and low-fat diets respectively.
Therefore, this indicates that eating an avocado each day could help to prevent heart disease, as this is often the result of high levels of bad cholesterol.
Distinguished professor of nutrition at University Park in Pennsylvania Penny M Kris-Etherton commented: 'This was a controlled feeding study, but that is not the real world, so it is more of a proof-of-concept investigation.
'We need to focus on getting people to eat a healthy diet that includes avocados and other food sources of better fats.'
She suggested a number of ways in which avocados could be incorporated into a person's diet, including as a sandwich filling, as part of a salad or as an accompaniment to vegetables.
8 Ways Facebook Can Destroy Your Marriage
Facebook was once a place to post how you were feeling and where you were going to spend your Saturdays.
Now, it’s sucking so much time from people’s lives and it may have a profound effect on marriages.
According to a study cited by the Christian Post, Facebook has been linked to an increase in divorce. As the Facebook population has risen, the divorce rate has also increased, the study found. This isn’t all that surprising, given that one-third of divorce filings in 2011 named Facebook as the reason for their divorce, New York Daily News reported.
But that’s not the whole story. Time’s Eliana Dockterman noted in July that the study linking divorce with Facebook fails to consider that the people joining Facebook aren’t necessarily the ones getting divorced, and that the social network’s not necessarily correlated to the divorce rate.
Still, Facebook could be hurting your marriage. Here are eight and a half things you’re doing on or because of Facebook that could potentially damage your marriage.
1. You’re checking Facebook on your phone, instead of talking to your spouse
According to the Daily Mail, new research has found people spend more time on their smartphones than with their marriage partners. People tend to use their smartphones for about 119 minutes a day, whereas they spend about 97 minutes with their loved one, the research found.
2. You care more about what other people post than what your spouse does
Some would call this “the Instagram effect,” but the idea is simple: You care more about what your friends and family are posting on Facebook than you do what your wife or husband is doing right in front of you. Instagram does have more than 150 million users (many of whom post their stuff to Facebook, too), so people are bound to see some things on there that can grab them and take their attention away from their spouses.
3. You’re not liking your loved one’s status
This may seem simple, but it’s an important one. Much has been written by bloggers and dating websites about the effects of liking someone’s statuses, mostly because a large number of likes implies that the liker is interested in the likee. By avoiding the like button for your loved one, you may be giving off a colder impression about how you feel about them.
4. You like someone else’s statuses way too much
According to data from Facebook, Facebook interactions are heavy between soon-to-be couples, with post sharing and likes increasing within the 100 days before a relationship starts. By liking someone else’s statuses and photos too much, you may be giving off the wrong impression that you’re not tied down into a relationship and that you’re looking for a way to leave it.
5. Careful with some of those Facebook friends
It’s no question that you and your spouse are going to have some mutual friends. But be wary of them because they may cause you strife. According to the Pew Research Center, half of Facebook’s users have more than 200 friends in their network, so a shared friend is bound to pop up among married couples. Just make sure those 200 friends aren’t going to comment something off-putting or discouraging on your loved one’s status. It may raise problems within the marriage and friend circles, too.
6. You quit Facebook, but you still ask questions about it
According to research cited by the Daily Mail, more people are saying their goodbye to the social network, as they’re worried about privacy and getting addicted to the website. But when you’re done with Facebook, you may start asking your loved one some questions about it — who your spouse is interacting with, what they’ve been posting and what they recently saw on the website, for example — and that could raise arguments and complications regarding trust.
7. You didn’t do a good job with your privacy settings
Marriage should involve trust and being able to open up to someone. But Facebook creates the possibility for many other people to see what you’re all about. NBC News reported that privacy is a major concern for Facebook users, as it leaves them open to review and judgment by their friends and possibly the public. Conversations that should happen first between husband and wife are posted for the public to see. For example, one source told Deseret News National that his wife shared that he and his wife’s kid started on walking on Facebook before sharing it with him. That was not an easy conversation to have. Facebook may also lead to people finding out things about you before your spouse knows about them, which is another sign of failing trust.
8. Your Facebook photo isn’t right
That’s right. What you display as a profile picture says a lot about you. In fact, The Atlantic reported that what makes a profile picture look good is the amount of engagement it gets — such as likes, shares and comments. But if you keep something unattractive up — like a photo no one likes — your spouse may feel the pressure to ask you to take it down.
There are other problems. But what are they?
Of course, Facebook is filled with a variety of users interacting with a vast number of people every day, so there are bound to be problems we didn’t think of.
3 Ways The Strong Black Woman Syndrome Can Ruin Your Relationship
Can we talk? Sister to sister?
No, I’m not about to tell you that the reason why you’re still single (or unhappy in your relationship) is because you’re too independent and no man wants you. (That kind of advice is played out in my opinion, and doesn’t serve you well.) I am, however, going to tell you that the Strong Black Woman Syndrome is killing you and your relationships. And I am going to tell you that it’s time to make a change.
What is the Strong Black Woman Syndrome?
Michelle Wallace, in her groundbreaking book, Black Macho And The Myth of The Superwoman first brought awareness to this problem in 1978. She shared that Black women are thought to have “Inordinate strength,” so much so that we are superwomen. The Strong Black Woman doesn’t have “the same fears, weaknesses, and insecurities as other women, and she believes herself to be and is, in fact, stronger emotionally than most men.”
In other words, because we have survived so much historically, socially and personally, we’ve been admired for our strength. In many ways, this legacy of strength has helped us deal with the stresses of living and loving in this world.
But there’s a huge price to “being strong,” and it’s affecting your relationships in 3 big ways:
1) Silence
The SBW Syndrome can cause silence. Yes, you may know how to be sassy and read people when they need it. But, when it comes to communicating how you really feel and what you really need, you haven’t been rewarded for doing that. In fact, you’ve probably been punished when you do speak up, with labels like “angry black woman” or at the very least, you’ve been accused of having a bad attitude.
In your relationships, you probably say things like, “I didn’t want to create any drama, so I just didn’t say anything.” But silence can kill your relationship. As Audre Lorde said, “Your silence will not protect you. What are the words you do not yet have. What do you need to say?”
2) Sacrifice
Not only do you sacrifice your voice and your needs for the sake of others, but you also sacrifice your health, your future and your dreams.
I’ve talked with many sisters, who tell me they put their dreams of getting married and starting a family on hold so they could raise somebody else’s kids. They’re now in their 40s and 50s and are faced with the reality that having kids of their own probably won’t happen.
Other women never have the money to invest into themselves because they’re always giving it away to everyone else. (Mama ‘nem, cousins, baby’s daddy, sisters, you name it). They don’t see themselves as an asset, so they don’t put themselves first. Sometimes saying, “No’ feels like a cuss word. If they do, they experience tremendous guilt!
This kind of sacrifice affects your health spiritually, emotionally & physically. Its time to put an end to it.
3) Supportive
Whether you call it being a helpmeet or a “ride or die chick,” you’re loyal to a fault.
You have no boundaries on what you give. You end up pouring into the wrong people who take advantage of you and now you’ve vowed to NEVER give to anyone again. You also don’t know how to receive from others. In other words, vulnerability scares you, so when the right person does come along, you don’t know how to open up.
So what’s the alternative to the Strong Black Woman Syndrome? Honestly, this conversation we’re having is just scratching the surface when it comes to dealing with this historical baggage. You must deal with this syndrome, so you can heal and experience real love where you feel respected, heard and understood. The first step is to give yourself permission to be fully human. You’re more than your strength. You are also silly, scared, soft, sensual, spiritual and so much more!
Celebrate every part of who you are!
Your future happiness depends on it.
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